April Fools: the Frex Hunters
by Ultimate Queen of Cliffies
Summary: Something extremely foolish about me and a few of my Yero my Hero reviewers going on a mission: killing Frex. Sort of twisted companion piece/AU to Yero my Hero. This entire oneshot probably doesn't make any sense if you're not one of said reviewers, but of course you can read it if you want to - just don't say I didn't warn you :).


**AN: So. Um... Yeah. The Frex Hunters. Sweet Oz, I can't believe I actually did this, but since I did... well, I might as well post it. So here it is, as promised, on April Fools Day (it is here in the Netherlands, at least; with you, it's probably still the day before, but that doesn't really matter, now does it? ;-)). Like I said, it's silly and stupid and doesn't make any sense at all, but, well... Sometimes I think I don't make any sense myself, so I guess in a way it's kind of... fitting.**

**This one is set, I suppose, somewhere between chapter 21 and 22 in Yero my hero.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Elphaba, Fiyero, Galinda, Boq, Nessa and Frex; neither do I own Failey, BlueD, Wicked4Life, xXStefyXx, Ozian in Australia, Silvine Fae Graycin, Fae the Queen, ComingAndGoingByBubble, or elphiesglinda - I suppose you guys just own yourselves ^^. I do, however, own Paro and Fiyero's parents. Yay me.**

**Update: Ozzie, I added a line, especially for you :D. And Wicked4Life, the Wizard-remark was more intended as in, in the musical the Wizard comes after her and you know that, but she doesn't, so you're sort of warning her, just in case... I guess. Something like that. Btw, I loved your second Dancing On Graves line. We should do another parody song sometime.**

**Anyway, I'm gonna go back to the newest update on Yero my Hero, which will probably be up tonight ;-).**

* * *

As soon as we landed in Oz, I looked around to face my fellow Frex Hunters. 'Ready for Operation Kill Frex Thropp Before He Can Get To Elphaba?'

'I think we need to find a new name,' xXStefyXx pointed out to me. 'Because he already got to Elphaba.'

I chewed my lower lip in thought. 'That's true, isn't it? Ah well… what does it matter what it's called, anyway…'

'As long as we kill him,' Ozzie agreed. I nodded. 'Yeah. So… Ready to kill Frex?' I shouted again.

'Ready!' Wicked4Life yelled, poking her pitchfork up in the air, and BlueD shouted enthusiastically, 'Off with his head!'

'OFF WITH HIS HEAD!' everyone repeated, and we started marching towards the cottage where we knew Frex to be holding Elphaba.

'Someone ought to go and save Fiyero, too,' Fae the Queen reminded us. We all nodded. 'Why don't you get over to the hospital and see what you can do?' I suggested. Fae the Queen immediately agreed. 'I'll go right away! You go ahead and kill Frex already!'

Failey started singing. 'Go, and hunt him, and find him, and kill him!'

'Good fortune, Frex Hunters!' Fae the Queen yelled over her shoulder as she dashed off to save Fiyero's life.

The other Frex Hunters joined Failey in her song. 'Go, and hunt him, and find him, and kill him… Kill the Frex!'

'"The" Frex,' I muttered to ComingAndGoingByBubble, who was walking next to me. 'Why "the" Frex? For some reason that makes me think of "the Incredible Hulk" – not sure why. Probably just because I have a twisted mind.'

ComingAndGoingByBubble giggled. 'Well, it sounds better in the song than just "Frex".'

'That much is true,' I agreed.

'Wickedness must be punished!' Ozian in Australia yelled and they all stamped their pitchforks on the ground as they sang, 'Evil effectively eliminated! Wickedness must be punished!'

'Kill the Frex!' Failey screamed, and everyone cheered for her.

Wicked4Life climbed upon a tree trunk to address the other Frex Hunters. 'And this is more than just a service to Elphaba! I have a personal score to settle with her fath-… with _The Frex_!'

We all cheered again and resumed our song as we marched along.

'It's due to him that Elphie's gone, he came, took her away. And then he went and killed Fiyero; we'll make sure that he will not stay! And Galinda also has something she'd like to say, if he'd not put a gun to her head when she was kidnapped, Elphaba might be here today!'

'Kill him!' Elphiesglinda screamed murderously. 'Kill the Frex!'

'Wickedness must be punished,' Failey and I sang together, looking over the group of Frex Hunters. 'Brave Frex Hunters, you'd all join us if you could! Because Wickedness must be punished…'

'Punished…' the others repeated.

'Punished,' I agreed and Failey finished, 'For good!'

More cheers filled the air as we could see the cottage. Silvine Fae Graycin came to walk next to me. 'Can I torture him before we kill him?' she begged. 'Please?'

'Sure,' I agreed cheerfully. 'Hurt him all you like!'

Ozzie gave me a high five. 'Let's do this!'

We all stormed towards the cottage, smashing down the door and running inside. Frex was there, staring at us wide-eyed. 'What in Oz…'

'G'day, Mate,' Ozzie said with an innocent smile and an exaggerated Australian accent. 'It's time to die.'

'Kill him!' Wicked4Life shrieked and we all stormed towards him. Silvine Fae Graycin started poking him – _hard _– with her pitchfork; xXStefyXx burned his flesh with a torch, grinning evilly, and Failey tried the hardest she could to rip off his head, with a little help from BlueD. 'I want his head for dinner!' the latter exclaimed and we all gave her a rather weird look. 'Um… Sure,' I said cautiously. 'I don't think I'm that hungry, though…'

Suddenly, Silvine Fae Graycin's eyes widened. 'Oh… Elphaba!'

She, Failey, Elphiesglinda and I quickly ran towards a door in the corner. We opened it and inside we found Elphaba, curled up on her bed.

Elphiesglinda immediately started bouncing up and down. 'Oh my _Oz_, that is really _Elphaba_! You're, like, my idol! Can I get your autograph?'

'Shall we free her first?' Silvine Fae Graycin suggested drily and Elphiesglinda blushed a little. 'Oh. Yeah. That's right. Sure.'

'What are you doing here?' Elphaba asked, surprised, and Failey went over to untie her ropes. 'We're freeing you! Let's get you out of here!' She couldn't resist, however, bending over to face Elphaba's stomach and cooing, 'Hi, Elyssah!'

Silvine Fae Graycin looked at her a bit warily. 'Failey…'

'Right. Sorry,' Failey said a bit sheepishly. She and I took Elphaba's arms, supporting her on both sides, and I warned, 'You might want to look away until we are outside. I'm not sure what the others are doing to Frex, but it's probably not a pretty sight.'

Elphaba did as I told her to. I myself flashed a look into the room; the only thing I caught sight of was BlueD murderously swinging down a bloody axe time after time, and I smirked. _Good job, Frex Hunters._

Once we got outside, we tried to comfort Elphaba a little. Ozzie found her some food and water, and ComingAndGoingByBubble fetched her a blanket. Just then – perfect timing – Fae the Queen returned with Fiyero, Galinda, Boq, Nessa, Paro, and Fiyero's parents.

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head when I saw a very healthy looking Fiyero. 'How in Oz…'

'I magic spelled him,' Fae the Queen simply said triumphantly. 'He's healed.'

'Well done!' I complimented her, genuinely impressed.

'Yay!' Galinda exclaimed, clapping her hands. 'Elphie! I was so scared!'

We all watched Fiyero's and Elphaba's reunion – involving lots of tears, hugs and kisses – and we all went 'Aww!', including Nessa and Galinda. Failey went to take a look at the Frex Hunters once more. 'How are you guys doing?'

'Oh, he was already dead, like, half an hour ago,' BlueD said, waving one hand dismissively through the air, 'but we hate him, so we're still chopping. Look!' She held up Frex's head by the hair. 'We chopped off his head!' she exclaimed in enthusiasm, and everyone cheered and applauded. 'Yay!'

'Now let's go bury him,' Ozzie suggested. We all raised our eyebrows at that suggestion and Silvine Fae Graycin asked in exasperation, '_Why_?!'

Ozzie smiled wickedly. 'So that we can dance on his grave.'

That sounded like a much better idea and we all started singing again. 'Wickedness must be punished! Kill the Frex!'

As xXStefyXx and BlueD started digging a hole, Failey was tossing Frex's bloody head up in the air time after time. 'Look!' she said cheerfully. 'He's defying gravity!'

I chuckled at that, then looked at Elphaba. 'You're safe now – Frex is gone.'

She was crying. 'Thank you so much!'

'Yeah,' Fiyero added. 'If there's any way we can repay you…'

'You could marry me!' Wicked4Life offered with a radiant and seductive smile at Fiyero, who was now looking a little uncomfortable. Silvine Fae Graycin whacked her fellow Frex Hunter in the back of the head. 'He belongs with Elphaba.'

'Well, a girl can dream,' Wicked4Life said a little indignantly. ComingAndGoingByBubble smiled at Fiyero. 'No need to repay us, this is what we do.'

We threw Frex's body parts in the hole and closed it up again, after which we started dancing on his grave, as promised. 'Dancing on graves…' Failey sang at the tune of 'Dancing Through Life', and we all laughed at that. 'Come on, let's go home,' Fae the Queen said finally. 'Our work here is done.'

We all mounted our enchanted broomsticks again. 'If the Wizard happens to come after you in the future, just call for us and we'll be there!' Wicked4Life said brightly. Elphaba blinked. 'Why would the Wizard come after me?'

I tugged Wicked4Life's arm. 'No spoilers! Let's just go.'

With that, we all kicked off and flew up high into the air, back towards Earth. We decided to all go and have dinner together at BlueD's house before we'd take off to our respective parts of the world again.

'Mission accomplished,' Failey said, satisfied, and I nodded. 'You could say that.' I turned to face BlueD, who was flying beside me. 'So what's for dinner again? You took care of that, didn't you?'

My fellow Frex Hunter smiled wickedly. 'I did.'

'So, what is it?'

BlueD lifted her satchel for me to see and slowly opened it, tilting it a little in order for me to be able to peek inside. I blanched and pulled back immediately. 'How in Oz did you…'

She smirked. 'Failey was still playing with it. No one noticed it was missing from the grave.'

I swallowed. 'I think I'm going to skip dinner with you guys and just go home to eat instead,' I said slowly, trying my hardest not to puke. 'Bye!'

As I flew off, I heard BlueD's amused cackle behind me as she tucked Frex's head back into her satchel.


End file.
